Friday, October 03, 2008

Why I Can't Play Wii or Meet the Enemy

Wii is awesome. Wii rocks. You see, I was recently addicted to Wii Fit. I could enjoy yoga, hoola hooping and ski jumping while being encouraged by a hottie computer dude; my weight and BMI all kept secret from the rest of the family via password protection. But then I had to stop.

This is true. I totally believe it. Wii attracts cockroaches. Or at least Japanese cockroaches--the worst kind.

We've lived in this house almost seven years, and I had never seen a single cockroach. Three months ago, my son and I began to play Wii and within a! We stopped the Wii fun. None.

Meet the enemy. (For those with faint hearts, look away now.)

Those fellows are the spawns of Satan. Japanese cockroaches aren't just big, they're HUGE--they're sneaky and they are crazy-smart . Japanese cockroaches know how to seek revenge. (The stories I could tell! But I'm not going there today.) Oh, did I also mention the buggers could also FLY? And when provoked even just a little, they will kamikaze your face or your nice fancy hairdo.

Japanese cockroaches also have this thing about dying. They just don't like to do it. They fight hard. Often times they'll play dead waiting for you run to grab a roll of paper towels. When you return, they've vanished and worse, they're pissed off.

So how do you kill a Japanese cockroach. Well, the quickest death I ever saw was in our old (very OLD) house that we rented when we first got married. I was cooking steaks. I never buy steaks, they're expensive. But it was my birthday, so I splurged. When I went to turn on the fan--plop! an enormous roach fell right into the pan....sizzle, pop, dead. We ate rice and salad that night. I cried a little and never used the fan again.

Bug sprays don't always work. You usually end up offing your pets (and shortening your own life by several years) just trying to get the demons to slow down. They still manage to escape. And they will be back.

Here are my three weapons of choice:

It's old. It's tried. It's true.

1. The business end of a boot.

Unfortunately, cockroaches have a lot of gunk loaded in them. A LOT of gunk. Which makes clean up no fun at all. Plus you have to aim just right *HINT* If you see their antennae facing forward it means their awake, on guard and speedy--faster than you can ever hope be. Aim in front and pray. If, however, their antennae are laid back and not moving. The monsters are sleeping or sleepy or otherwise not aware you are around, yet. THIS is your chance. May the gods be with you.

2. Freezing Spray, baby.

This just came out. They had to discontinue it for awhile because despite the warnings on the label people were using it in the kitchen around open fires. Explosions ensued.

Anyways, it's back. It's minus 80 degrees C, baby!

3. An Electric Tennis Racket.

I'm not kidding. That's what it is. This was (I'm ashamed to say) part of my son's birthday presents. He loves stuff like this, and I thought of it as sort of a gag gift. Little did I know how useful it would become.

Add batteries, push the button and the wires are all electrified. Swing that puppy at any flying insect and ZAP!!

However, the point is moot because I haven't turned on my Wii in months. And (knock on wood), no creepy crawlies have shown up to scare the living crap out of me. Although my son has taken a shine to the racket and can zap a mosquito out of the sky before you even hear it buzz.

And now for your viewing entertainment. A Japanese commercial for cockroach spray. It's an old one. I'm not usually fond of Japanese commercials. I don't understand them. This one, just rocks.

Sunday, September 28, 2008


It's autumn. It's cooling off. What do you want to snack on when the weather gets chilly?

Sukiyaki flavored Doritos, for sure.

Or how about some Beijing Duck flavored chips?

I'm sorry I can't form a proper post. Right now I'm suffering from a near debilitating depression. I just finished episode 4 of season 3 of The Wire. I had another hour to waste before bed time and went to pop in the next isn't there. It isn't anywhere. I'm just so sad.

In a weak attempt to add a bit of levity. Here is my dorky dog who sometimes wears underwear on his head and tries to steal people's socks.