Friday, October 03, 2008

Why I Can't Play Wii or Meet the Enemy

Wii is awesome. Wii rocks. You see, I was recently addicted to Wii Fit. I could enjoy yoga, hoola hooping and ski jumping while being encouraged by a hottie computer dude; my weight and BMI all kept secret from the rest of the family via password protection. But then I had to stop.

This is true. I totally believe it. Wii attracts cockroaches. Or at least Japanese cockroaches--the worst kind.

We've lived in this house almost seven years, and I had never seen a single cockroach. Three months ago, my son and I began to play Wii and within a! We stopped the Wii fun. None.

Meet the enemy. (For those with faint hearts, look away now.)

Those fellows are the spawns of Satan. Japanese cockroaches aren't just big, they're HUGE--they're sneaky and they are crazy-smart . Japanese cockroaches know how to seek revenge. (The stories I could tell! But I'm not going there today.) Oh, did I also mention the buggers could also FLY? And when provoked even just a little, they will kamikaze your face or your nice fancy hairdo.

Japanese cockroaches also have this thing about dying. They just don't like to do it. They fight hard. Often times they'll play dead waiting for you run to grab a roll of paper towels. When you return, they've vanished and worse, they're pissed off.

So how do you kill a Japanese cockroach. Well, the quickest death I ever saw was in our old (very OLD) house that we rented when we first got married. I was cooking steaks. I never buy steaks, they're expensive. But it was my birthday, so I splurged. When I went to turn on the fan--plop! an enormous roach fell right into the pan....sizzle, pop, dead. We ate rice and salad that night. I cried a little and never used the fan again.

Bug sprays don't always work. You usually end up offing your pets (and shortening your own life by several years) just trying to get the demons to slow down. They still manage to escape. And they will be back.

Here are my three weapons of choice:

It's old. It's tried. It's true.

1. The business end of a boot.

Unfortunately, cockroaches have a lot of gunk loaded in them. A LOT of gunk. Which makes clean up no fun at all. Plus you have to aim just right *HINT* If you see their antennae facing forward it means their awake, on guard and speedy--faster than you can ever hope be. Aim in front and pray. If, however, their antennae are laid back and not moving. The monsters are sleeping or sleepy or otherwise not aware you are around, yet. THIS is your chance. May the gods be with you.

2. Freezing Spray, baby.

This just came out. They had to discontinue it for awhile because despite the warnings on the label people were using it in the kitchen around open fires. Explosions ensued.

Anyways, it's back. It's minus 80 degrees C, baby!

3. An Electric Tennis Racket.

I'm not kidding. That's what it is. This was (I'm ashamed to say) part of my son's birthday presents. He loves stuff like this, and I thought of it as sort of a gag gift. Little did I know how useful it would become.

Add batteries, push the button and the wires are all electrified. Swing that puppy at any flying insect and ZAP!!

However, the point is moot because I haven't turned on my Wii in months. And (knock on wood), no creepy crawlies have shown up to scare the living crap out of me. Although my son has taken a shine to the racket and can zap a mosquito out of the sky before you even hear it buzz.

And now for your viewing entertainment. A Japanese commercial for cockroach spray. It's an old one. I'm not usually fond of Japanese commercials. I don't understand them. This one, just rocks.


Anonymous said...

haha Spewing coffee!!! It could be all the jumping and running around with the WII that woke up those BIG bastards.

Does that mean exercise is out of the question too or dancing... haha

Kappa no He said...

Strangest thing. There's all sorts of dancing and jumping around in our house but no bugs. Turn on that Wii and...or maybe the bugs are hiding out and just can't stand the sight of me doing a hoola hoop for fifteen minutes at a time. You know, they could have been laughing now that I think about it.

Mary Witzl said...

Hope I can post this -- it's my 3rd attempt!

I HATE cockroaches, and like you, could really tell some tales. Don't have any idea what Wii is, but no way am I going to get it, whatever it is, after reading this!

Get boric acid powder -- housan in Japanese. Sprinkle it about under your tatami mats and your pets won't eat it, plus it is not so toxic to people as insecticides. It really improved the quality of our lives, though not the roaches'!

Pat said...

In the southeastern US, you can't escape the darned things unless you have an exterminator visit every 6 weeks. They are so big and gross, my cats are even afraid of them. It freaks me out to walk outside at night and see them scurring around on the ground. Gag.

I like your electrified tennis racket idea, Terrie. I'm gonna keep my out for one of those...

Hilary said...

Ack.. that's disturbing. You might want to test-drive it one more time now that you're not seeing any - but I wouldn't blame you if you didn't want to risk it.

Ello said...

Blech! Growing up in NY, I know cockroaches - the big water ones that are about the size of your hand too! Ugh!

And since you asked, Bill Contardi is my new agent (yeah!) and I am trying to get my revisions to him tomorrow! Eek!

Kappa no He said...

Mary, Wii is that new game where you move around in front of the TV flinging a remote control around and hoping it doesn't spear the television set or take out a cat.

You know I use to make those "housan dango" way back in the day. I totally forgot! Great idea!

Pat, it's never good when the cats are afraid of the bugs.

Hilary, maybe I should. I need to tune up the racket before hand, just in case....

Oh, Ello!! That is so super friggin' fantastic!! One of the biggies! I just got one, too. Maybe we will bump into each other in New York one day. Congratulations! And I'm looking for your blog post that reads you just signed a three book deal. Weee!

Gina said...

That is so funny, I don't have a Wii, and I never heard that they could attract the gokiburi, before.
But you know....I bet the rays or waves could attract them, huh. I'm shivering just writing this. : ) Because I dislike all bugs, am afraid to death of them all. Ha ha ha.

Question I have for you....will you and J try the Wii again? Ha ha ha. What do ya think? Just as a test run to see know, just to know for sure. : )

Kappa no He said...

Gina, hey! Yea, I think, you know, just to be completely scientific about it, we'll have to give it a go again. I mean it is so much fun and a great family evening (or drunk friends' get together). Yes. I must.

But I am scared.

laughingwolf said...

it's GEKKO time! keep a few as pets, and the pests will be gone ;)

...sounds like the hertz emitted by your wii is what attracts the buggers, change the hertz [not easy] :(

Anonymous said...

The guy in the ad has great taste in suits. I had one just about like that about 25 years ago. Bought it for a song in the Osu Kannon market in Nagoya. Not only was it big and tall enough for me, but the shop guy even tailored it for me, so it fit great. Giant green gaijins forever! Boric acid works great, but don't forget to encourage those giant house spiders to move in.

Anonymous said...

That last comment was from me.

Kappa no He said...

Oh, Imomomo, don't get me started on those giant house spiders!! Eegads.

I so want to see a picture of you in that suit. I really do! I use to have a green crushed velvet pair of pants when I briefly thought I was Jimi Hendrix. I second that "giant green gaijins forever!"

Kappa no He said...

Laughing wolf!! We actually have two cats with a lot of time on their hands. Believe me, they get lectures about earning their keep. I don't think they're listening.

laughingwolf said...

hahahaha but cats are NOT gekkos! :P

rebecca said...

Oh, Lordy me, do i hate bugs...cockroaches being on top of the list! I lived in an apartment about 30 years ago and there was a water problem with the apartment upstairs from us. long story short, it affected every apartment on that line and i got one GIANT cockroach come out of the tiles one night that looked like a cadillac! i put my cat in the bathroom hoping he'd take care of it for me, but no, he took one look at it and ran the other way! honestly, the cat was a male, but he was such a girl!

i hate them. hate them! now i didn't understand one single word of the commercial but the guy looked really happy!

Kappa no He said...

Wolfy, ha ha! We do have newts. Again, not a gecko. They're pretty useless, too. OKay, it's decided. I need to invest in some geckos!

Rebecca, that sounded like a scene from a horror movie (the cadillac-sized cockroach coming out of the tiles). Eyu! And what is with cats these days? Yesh!

MDK said...

"Unfortunately, cockroaches have a lot of gunk loaded in them. A LOT of gunk"

I just happened to be eating Honeycomb cereal when I read that!
Can't say I've been that surprised in a while. hah!

LMAO watching the commercials. I watched a few of the other commercials that was placed near that one. All hilarious!

Take care

Kappa no He said...

Hey you! How have you been? Sorry about the timing on that one. I was actually eating lunch when I was searching for a good picture. I googled Japanese cockroaches and quickly regretted it.

And what was up with that hip grinding that guy was doing in the commercial? I'll have to go watch more.

womaninawindow said...

um, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if that spray doesn't work he's telling us to screw them to death. All that pelvic thrusting...I don't know Japenese but isn't that universal?