Reprimanded

My dog got reprimanded by my neighbor. And it was not for anything you could possibly imagine.

"I have a reputation!"

It wasn't for barking, digging, biting, howling, dancing, drooling, sniffing, jumping, eating, humping, pooping, peeing, drinking, growling, staring, scratching, ... nope.

My neighbor just had a baby. But before that, when she was just about to burst, I would find her hanging around outside and wanting to talk. So we talked. That's when I discovered her motive.

In Japan dogs are believed to be good luck for pregnant women because they have safe, easy births. She doesn't have a dog. We do. So she explains to me what she wants Cha-Cha (ie...me) to do.

I listen. I'm game. I'm a tad worried about the dog though.

So she squats down and I take Cha-Cha's paws (he just Hates that btw) and I rub her belly and say, "To have a safe and easy childbirth" and all that jazz. And that goes on for a few minutes. I'm furiously worried because Cha is just about to blow. I can just see him jumping this enormous pregnant woman thinking she wants to play. But before any damage was done it was over.

And that was that. She rubbed his head and thanked him.

"You're kidding, right?"

No.

Our neighbor comes home the other day with a beautiful, tee-tiny baby girl. It was wonderful.

Then a few days after that, I see her outside hanging out those darling little baby clothes and she says to me,

Her: "Do you know how long I was in labor?" (this is her third child, btw)

Me: "Oh, dear, I wouldn't know...an hour or two?"

Her: "SEVEN hours!"

Me: "Oh."

Her: "Cha-Cha didn't do a very good job."

Me: "Yea, I'm really sorry about that. It was his first time and all."

With that she went inside.

Yikes.

"The shame!"