Thursday, August 31, 2006

Freak Week

Maybe it's the heat, maybe it's the fact pluto was nixed as a planet, or maybe it is me who is loosing her mind...but this past week has truly been the Week of Freaks. Here are a few:

First, our resident freak...the dawg! Mouse lasted three minutes tops.

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① Early Monday morning while we were walking to the train station, some lady was all leaned over the sewer grate disposing of a bowl of some liquid. When our eyes met she gave me a super-di-dirty look and tried to hide what she was doing.

② My part time job very loosely includes counseling. An untrained counselor, go figure. Most people stay away, but this week I had a guy come in. A non-Japanese guy who smelled really bad. He was out of work and not happy about it. Ranting and raving, explaining that he has lived in the largest cities all over the world, and what was he doing here (yadda yadda yadda). I smile, nod, smile, say something like, Sooo you read any good books recently? (this is what untrained counselors do...they change the subject). Then he says he just read Angela's Ashes or Somebody's Bones and that is the story of his life, let me tell ya! I made the mistake of giving him my e-mail address (I do that to get rid of people too) and now he has been mailing me these long e-mails. He's less a freak than a misplaced foreigner. It's just not fun when they come on all overbearing like that.

③ J and I are shopping in a supermarket and we're standing at the place where you use tongs to pick up whatever food you want and put it in these plastic containers. They have fried chicken pieces, sausages, fried fish cakes, stuff like that. Suddenly, this old lady--who could have easily passed for a pirate btw (squinty eye, peg leg-ish hobble)--comes over to where I am and uses both hands to physicaly push me out of the way! She then demands that the woman standing next to me fill her up a container of six fish cakes. No more, no less. I am at a loss for what to do or say when J goes, "Mom three midgets just ran across that isle!" Needless to say we went chasing after the short people. And found them!

④ Walking the dog. We have these narrow river-like, open sewer-like things that run up and down both sides of the streets. Mostly they are for feeding water into all the rice fields, but water from your sink and bath also flow into them. Somehow fish survive there too. Cha-Cha has perfected the art of pooping into the river. He'll back up to it...and well, you know. If the water is high though it'll splash back up and hit him in the butt. You should see his face. It is just hilarious.

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Picture of J standing by one of those little river-ditch things. Yes, he's wearing goofy blue raincoat. But the entire schoool has them so it ain't quite as goofy when your just just like everyone else. Or is it?? And yes, occasionally bicycles and cars run off the road and into those ditches. It's quite exciting when that happens.

⑤ At the store near our house they have all these massage chairs for sale. I'd say a good dozen or so all lined up. Of course you can try them out if you want. A ten-minute walk from this store is the big hospital (I swear this is where Kingdom hospital's idea came from. I have personally suffered many times there and have told my husband that I don't care if I'm on death's door do NOT take me there, it doesn't matter if it IS just down the street). Oh, yea, I go into the store and there are all these hospital patients in pajamas and hospital robes all spread out all over these chairs vibrating at various speeds. There faces are all pasty and white, hair mussed up, zombie-like. And they all give me looks like I'm weird. Disturbing.

⑥ I walked into the room the other day and J was watching TV. I heard him mutter to himself, "I didn't know Popeye was gay." (※NOTE: He has just learned what gay means. I've yet to ask why he thinks popeye is gay.)

⑦ Walking the dog again. I get to the school. There is a path that runs between a small river and a line of trees. On the other side of the trees is the fence that surrounds the school. So me and Cha are strolling along and I see a wee little dog sniffing around by the river. He has a leash on. Oh gee, he must have run away from his owner, I think. I get closer and see something out of the corner of my eye. Over there under the trees is the owner, she squatting by the fence, not five yards away, her back is to me and she's taking a S*%#! Meanwhile, Cha-Cha has discovered the terrier and wants to be friends, I'm like come on Cha, let's get out of here! And am walking away as fast as I can. I had the willies all day long. (Edit: I was just telling a friend this and her little girl goes, I saw her! I was out there collecting cicada when I saw her taking a pee.) I swear people pee everywhere here.

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Here is the exact (Eeyuu!) spot. See those trees over to the left, well, sorta down there.
Also as an edit, I was telling my friend about my experience and her little daughter (second grade) goes, Yea I saw that lady too. I told her was nasty! So this lady does this like, alot!

There's more, the girl who walked into a bathroom in Starbucks only to scream and run out --don't know what that was about didn't see anyone come out later and the tootheless man who was playing with his this little kid and grinning wildly at me...

I'm just glad the week is over.


Bk30 said...

Wow. That's the kind of week to make you wonder if you got popped into an alternate universe, and they forgot to tell you :)

Matt D said...

Holy crap. I'm laughing my ass off. I don't know what I'd do if I came across a random woman pooping on the side of the road. I would probably start laughing at her. Absolutely hysterical.

I'm stealing the idea of the evil old lady pouring something down the drain.

Kappa no He said...

bk30: Oh yes, if felt just like that!

Matt: Yea, what stings is that the little girl who told her she was nasty had more guts that I did. I saw the lady again today and she was staring at me, all smiley like. At least she had her pants on. I still ran.

You can have the chick with the drain if I can have the kids turning evil and infiltrating the merry-go-round.

Bk30 said...

Rofl...and so ladies and gentlemen, this is how great stories are born..bored writers sit around trading characters and story ideas, like kids with baseball cards. :)